I was born into a Christian home to two loving parents. I asked God into my heart at about 3 years old. The next day I fell off my tricycle and skinned me knee. I was so upset; I thought I had lost God through the blood that came out in my knee. Then my Mom had to describe to me the difference between your heart and your soul. When I was 9, I was baptized at my church. I have always tried to do the right thing, be a good person, go to church, etc... But I have never really LIVED my life for God. But through it all I have felt that my life is at a standstill possibly even going backwards.
There have been several things that lead up to me recommitting my life to God. My sister and I started to go to a Young Adult Small group. The first night we were asked to, out of a list of words, describe our relationship with God. My words... "Stagnent, Searching, and Distant." I believe that was the first time I have ever admitted to myself let alone anyone else that I do not have a great relationship with God. At first it scared me, that Hey, I'm not the christian woman I was brought up to me. I was so afraid of other people judging me, but in a sense it was so much of a relief to just admit to myself that I'm not where I want to be with God.
So then, a week or two later, a guy I had been dating only a few short months broke up with me. I was left feeling the most empty and broken I have ever been. I thought he was going to be "The One." So one night I lay there thinking about how I don't feel my life is going anywhere, it has no purpose, and I felt that I am going to die alone. At that moment, a verse that my Mom has constantly reminded me of popped into my head...
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."--Jeremiah 29:11.I don't remember exactly what happened next... but I believe I got out my Bible to look up the verse in context. I continued on to read...
"In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land."-- Jeremiah 29:12-14.
It was truly a moment Of God. I knew in that moment that I need to give my WHOLE being to Him... Not just part. I have always been one to have trouble giving control over to Him. I've always thought I could handle things... or possibly in the back of my mind I didn't want God telling me I needed to give something up that I wanted. I believe I truly cried out to God that night... I really realized for the first time in my life, how much I needed Him to run my life... in the words of Carrie Underwood "Jesus take the wheel".
There were a few other things that happened but as this was back in the fall (Possibly October)... I don't remember the other things... But they were such God things. Another thing was at Small Group, the leader chose "By My Side" by Tenth Avenue North as a worship reflection... It was as if the song was written about me. It was so moving... Its just amazing how God works. Its as if God was having people plant little seeds in my heart, the watering them and nurturing them here or there.
A week or so later, I went out and bought the Power of a Praying Woman book and Study Guide. I originally intended on doing it in 30 days... I came to realize rather quickly that 30 days wasn't going to happen. That was a couple months ago and I am still only in chapter 4 of 30. I need to get a system down. I need to keep yielding control to God. I need to let Him do with my life as he pleases because with me in control, frankly, my life sucks. I can't handle my day to day life without Him.
These are the questions and answers to the first chapter study guide for Power of a Praying Woman.
1. Do you feel you are growing mentally? No. Emotionally? No. Spiritually? No. Explain each of your answers. Until today, I have felt I was at a standstill or even going backwards. After reading these scriptures about this chapter I realize what I have been missing in my life in order to grow-- A deep, intimate relationship with God. I need and want Him to fill the empty space inside me.
2. In what ways would you like to see yourself grow and develop in the future? I would like to be more mature financially, treat my parents with more respect, treat myself and my body with more respect. I want to be filled with Christ. I hope that by looking ot Christ for approval, love, and fulfillment that He can help me overcome my depression.
3. What are the greatest longings of your heart? What would satisfy those longings and desires? Do you believe it is God's will for you to have those desires met? I want to be a wife and a mother. I want to get married and settle down, have kids. I believe it is what God created me for, but I think He wants me to have my life in the right place before He provides them to me.
The book has been so powerful I just need to get into it more... Stay in the word... When I don't go to church, or small group, or read some sort of devotional... I become this mean, hateful, broken person. I just wish I could get it though my THICK skull that I just need to stay in God's path in order to be my happy normal self. As it says in the book...
Its just amazing how much just the first chapter of the book spoke to me. It was as if EVERY thing she wrote was written for ME. I was sobbing by the time I finished reading it... and it makes me cry just thinking about it. It is incredibly moving how much GOD LOVES AND CARES of Me, as well as every person on this earth. The first chapter was called "The Power" and, boy, was it powerful.
"We will never be happy until we make GOD the source of our fulfillment and the answer to our longings. He is the ONLY one who should have the power over our souls."--Page 14 of The Power of a Praying Woman.
This is my plan...
- I want to make it through this book and get into a habit of spending time with God each day.
- I want to pray to God about everything
- I want to put my whole life into His Hands, I want to yield all control
- I want to become the person God made me to be.
- Through Him, I want God to become Strong in my Weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-- "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.")
I hope this gives everyone a little bit of insight into me... as I am Beginning on this new journey of Finding His Path for my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.